What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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