3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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