wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
