I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
