check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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