I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
