My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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