I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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