p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We had sex on a dog bed..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
BRING THE BAGELS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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