I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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