guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
