I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
