I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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