I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
