i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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