I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
