i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
