So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
