Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
