Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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