Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
