I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize