omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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