you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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