i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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