walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize