i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
