I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
