So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just sent this text using only my big toe
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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