I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
