i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
