She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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