his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize