It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
