you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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