No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
