I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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