Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Girls should come with a carfax report
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
