are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
