just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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