my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were trust falling into bushes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
