She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
