Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
