Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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