the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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