I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize