Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
