Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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