she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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