Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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