Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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