so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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