Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
