i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
