The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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