Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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