Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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