You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
