I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
