so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
