And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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