you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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