plz talk dirty to me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
