i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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