I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
