he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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