Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we're making bets on your personal life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
