Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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