What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
did you just send me my own nude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize