How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
