I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
