im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
