hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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