I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize