Where did you get a picture of my penis
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I supernannyed him into submission
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
