Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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