The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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