i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
