dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I want a musical about memes.
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