It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize